I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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