I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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