i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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