Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
