I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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