You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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