Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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