Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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