Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize