So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
