we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
