Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
