When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
