I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
