there's paper in my vomit.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
