I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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