Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
