I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
