I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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