Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dignity is for republicans.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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