you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
