I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Bring me that man meat
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
