I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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