So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
how does that bad decision feel?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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