I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
