Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
