Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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