And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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