U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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