i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
