It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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