i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i love accidental penises.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
