is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
