You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
