When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize