You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
my poor anus
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
