I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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