We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
