I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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