This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
