Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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