i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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