What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
