Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I can text with my tongue
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
