I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
