That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
