When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
