and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
