none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I faked an abortion last night.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
