She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
