o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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