"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
