Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So. Much. Porn.
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