I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we made out on top of his cat.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
