I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
