Whoa Z and x make the same sound
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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