If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
