You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
