everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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