oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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