I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
