i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
