ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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