The maid of honor just puked.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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