4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
