Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize