life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The Olympian is in my bed
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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