My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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