dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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