its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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