Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
