she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
