Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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