If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
