I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
