then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
