I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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