I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
