she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
