end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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