You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
