Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
