I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
