I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
