He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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