Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
