I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
