How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
