do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
