I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
