Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize