3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
