I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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