the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
