Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
