is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
