i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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