We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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