Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
