So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
