im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
