i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
